Do You Ever Feel....

This weekend was kind of hit and miss with me. I can't say it was really a bad weekend, but I can't say it was all good either. I believe this has mainly to do with me, and my own insecurities. Insecurities that have made me feel like I've done things that are dumb, things that would make me look like more of a jackass than I already am.

To those who matter most, I apologize for the way my insecurities have been making me act all weekend. You know I usually don't act the way I did, and you know, especially that certain one, that your opinion matters most to me about these things.

I'd like to think that one of the greatest things I could do now is to not only realize, but also admit my faults, and I do so here now.

Today has been a very down day for me because of my insecurities, but I am trying to rise above it.

Once again, I am sorry if I caused undue stress or pain to you who matter most.

I Got Turkey!!!!!

Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without a little bit of turkey, and today was a day for me to be very thankful I got some turkey. My work provided turkey dinners for everyone who worked today, so I got myself a helping of turkey, dressing, green beans, and of course, mashed potatoes.

It wasn't anywhere near the best i ever had, but hey, who am I to complain about turkey I wasn't gonna get anyway.

I ate all that up, then had a nap (yes, at work...lol), and then just played on the web in between helping my trainee out with her calls tonight.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I'm planning on seeing comments from you tomorrow :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ah, Thanksgiving...a time for thanks...for someone giving you something....I think....lol.

We all have heard that Thanksgiving is the time of year where we should give thanks for what we have, but most know it as "that time of year".

You all know what I'm talking about...."Black Friday".

The Friday after Thanksgiving where the entire world seems to lose it's mind over extremely low priced items, so much so that geriatric women will start fighting in stores like two muscle bound rednecks in a bar.

I have heard and seen things on Black Friday that would make your hair curl...people getting into fights, getting mauled, maimed, and yes, sometimes even killed.

With that said, any of you who participate in this ritual, please be careful, and be safe.

Also, if you can swing it, being me some turkey....lol...I don't think anyone in my family is doing the Thanksgiving thing this year, so no turkey for me.

I'm kidding of course about the turkey...unless you have extra and don't want it....but seriously...I want some....lmao!

Is My Blog Outdated?

I have noticed over the last several weeks that my blog isn't getting as many hits as it used to. Have I become boring?
Do I need to do something to lighten the mood?
Perhaps a picture of me nude in clown makeup would be appealing.....or perhaps not....lol. Trust me, it's something I don't think anyone wants to see.

In all seriousness, I appreciate those who do read this blog daily, because I know that either you are very bored, or you really do care about what kinds of crazy things are going on in my head.

With that said, and also a lack of something else to say at this particular point in time, I thank you all once again, and I hope you're all doing well :)

I Have A Problem

For reasons unknown to me, I often get myself into a mindset that nobody cares about me, and that nobody loves me.

I know this isn't true, but sometimes I just can't shake that feeling. Tonight has been one of those nights.

I've been extremely busy today; busier than I normally am on a Sunday, or for that matter, ANY day.

Here it is almost 3 in the morning, and I have only been home about 45 minutes or so. I had been at my moms for a greater part of the night helping her move more stuff out of my home and into hers. This has proven to be an effective task that has worn me out.

But I still can't shake that feeling.

What's a guy to do when he feels that way, and it just seems like if tomorrow decided not to ever come for him that nobody would notice...that nobody would care.

This is how I feel right now....pathetic, useless, and unloved. I guess I have some major issues to deal with, but I'm not sure how.

One good point in my day was that my friend Scotty and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. It was pretty good, but fairly long as well. After we left the theater, we went back to his apartment, where I proceeded to work on his PC, but had to bring it home so I can have more time with fixing it.

Well, I guess I'll stop with this entry now, before I decide I'm any more worthless than I feel right now.

I'm gonna go grocery shopping and maybe singing some of those great country songs that make me think of the love of my life will help out. I hope so, because I'm missing her so badly, and especially tonight, when I could hold her, and be in her arms, and all of my worries and cares would just disappear.

If you read this, love of my life, and you know who you are, I miss you and I love you.

My Family Redux

Ah yes...the holidays. Time for family and friends, but in my case, mostly family.

Once again, I must reiterate that I love my family dearly. My youngest sister has recently started reading this blog, and she thinks that it's funny, and I believe dumb sometimes too. I like her sense of humor and her witty comments.

My other sister, the middle one, is a different story. I haven't seen her since the last installment when I commented on my family, and I haven't even spoken to her since then. I miss her a lot. When her and I get along, we have a lot of fun and some good laughs, and she's always good for some sound advice. I may try to call her soon. I know I should, but long distance is expensive, especially for someone who is probably going to be getting his phone cut off for a short time due to late payment.

My mom doesn't read the blog, much less really understand how to operate a computer. Not that she's stupid, it's just not her thing. Her and I are doing better now that we've decided to stop talking about money with one another, which suits me just fine.

My stepdad and I are closer than we ever have been, because we now have a sort of understanding with one another. I really like him much, much better than I ever have, and I know he is the right guy for my mom. I hope they remain together for the rest of their lives.

I'm really missing my cousins right now. My aunt and uncle are the only other relatives who live in the same town, and I haven't seen them since maybe last Christmas. I miss my uncle and my aunt, but I don't know how to resolve that because we aren't all very sociable to one another anymore.

I really miss my friends, few that I have. I miss my Jenny, Becky, And Scotty too. I miss my ex girlfriends family as well. They don't and probably will never know the profound effect they had on me, and I love them all like they were my own.

The person I miss the most is my ex girlfriend. She has a way with me that cannot be understood by normal people. Every time I was with her, and would look into her eyes, I would get whisked away to another time and another place, and we would be the only two people that were in the room. It was an amazing experience. I know it always will be. I miss her children too. I don't know one of them, but I really miss the other one. He was my pal, and I miss playing Scooby Doo with him.

If you didn't know it by now, you now know that these people, all of them, are to me, my family. We are all more than related by blood, or just good friends. We are all close in a much different way. I could never turn my back on any of these people, and I expect they would never turn their backs on me.

I'm hoping everyone has a wonderful holiday season, and I want you to know I love you all :)

Country Music Murderers

I think this title must have gotten everyones attention :)

Ok, here's what the title implies. Upon listening to some of today's popular country songs, it has been determined that Dierks Bentley and Kenny Chesney are murderers.

How can this be true, you ask? Simple. I'll analyze one song from each of them, and point out where they lyrically confess to their crimes of passion. We'll start with Kenny Chesney's "Anything But Mine".

Walking along beneath the lights of that miracle mile
Me and Mary making our way into the night

Ok....this is evidence of time of day.


You can hear the cries from the carnival rides
The pinball bells and the skeeball slides
Watching the summer sun fall out of sight

He's waiting for the sun to set so he'll be less likely to be seen.


There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean
Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street
Mary is holding both of her shoes in her hand
Said she likes to feel the sand beneath her feet

This is where he gets her away from the carnival they were at and to a more secluded place. Poor Mary doesn't even realize she's in danger.


And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

Now this is the first sign of his killer instincts. He knows he's leaving town, and he knows he is going to kill Mary, and hopes he doesn't get caught. This also describes his reasoning behind the murder. He is a stalker in the worst form, and has the attitude that if he can't have her, nobody will...hence the I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine part.


There's a local band playing at the seaside pavilion
And I got just enough cash to get us in
And as we're dancin Mary's wrapping her arms around me
And I can feel the sting of summer on my skin
In the midst of the music I tell her I love her
We both laugh cause we know it isn't true
Ah but Mary there's a summer drawing to an end tonight
And there's so much that I long to do to you

Ok, they both know that the old I Love You line didn't work. They laugh about it, but deep inside, he harbors deep seated hurt and feelings of rejection. This is the straw that breaks the camels back, and he sets his master plan into action. He knows that the summer is over, and he wants to do many things to Mary. Probably things like murder her, cutting her up, and perhaps things dealing with necrophilia.


But in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine
And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine
Mary I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

As the final blow is struck, Mary realizes that he was crazy, and very disturbed, and by this time...it's too late.


Ok...now that he has been exposed, let's go to Dierks Bentley's "Come A Little Closer".


Come a little closer, baby
I feel like layin' you down
On a bed sweet surrender
Where we can work it all out

Here is where you first get a glimpse of his murderous ways. He wants to lay her in a bed of sweet surrender. Her needs are not even considered here, only what he wants, which is why he thinks she should have to surrender.


There ain't nothin' that love can't fix
Girl, it's right here at our fingertips
So come a little closer baby,
I feel like layin' you down

Once again...he "feels" like laying her down, and he intends to do it forcefully if she doesn't cooperate. Also, there's no telling what's "right there at his fingertips"...probably a weapon of some sort.


Come a little closer, baby
I feel like lettin' go
Of everything that stands between us
And the love we used to know

Now he's hurt at her blatant rejection of him, and intends to make her pay, which is why he's "letting go"


I wanna touch you like a cleansing rain
Let it wash all the hurt away
So come a little closer baby
I feel like lettin' go

Once again, he feels like "letting go", and starts speaking of "cleansing rain". People who are fanatical always speak of cleansing rain, so this poor girl is about to die, and I'm sure she knows it by now.


If there's still a chance
Then take my hand
And we'll steal away
Off into the night'till we make things right

He decides to give her one last chance, which, obviously, she isn't going to take.


The suns gonna rise on a better day
Come a little closer babyI feel like strippin' it down

Stripping her down to the bone is what he means here.


Back to the basics of you and me
What makes the world go round
Every inch of you against my skin

He wants to wear her skin after he kills her.


I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
So come a little closer babyI feel like strippin' it down
Come a little bit closer babyJust a little bit closer baby
Come a little bit closer babyI feel like layin' you down

Obviously, the authorities should be called on these two guys, because they have admittedly murdered the women they were obsessed with. Somebody call 911!

There you have it. Beware if you see these guys in concert for you may be the next victim of the country music murderers.

Weakness

I have found that this new regimen that I'm trying to instill into my lifestyle is harder than I thought. I want to try to exercise more, but I find myself too tired to do any of it. I have been successful in cutting back on my sodas. I have actually not had to buy any more sodas in quite awhile, but I am now going through milk like crazy. I suppose its better for me, but I don't know about the weight loss qualities.

My weakness right now is the whole working out thing. I feel I'm just too lazy to do it, and still lack any kind of motivation to do it. I need something to give me that spark I need in order to get into the groove of it.

Perhaps after thinking about it awhile, I'll find out what it is, and I'll finally get to start doing what I know I should be doing.

For You

I know everyone knows who you are, as do you.

You know how much I love you. I was watching a show the other day, and they came to a scene that was kinda sad, and they started playing a song, and I started thinking about you even more than I usually do.

It wasn't so much the song that got me thinking about you than it was the lyrics. I know it sounds pretty corny, but it was from an old Cindi Lauper song, and I'm showing the relevant lyrics here for you to see, and for everyone to understand how I feel about you, and how much I care.

If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time.
If you fall
I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time.

This made me think of the commitment I have pledged to you, and how it will stand the test of time.

I always want you to know that there will never be a time, until I'm no longer living, that you can't call on me....that I won't be there for you....that I won't be waiting.

This is what I do for you :)

Looking for...

I am looking for a couple of things, and I'm not sure if this is the place to really post this, but I don't think it could hurt.

First, I am looking for people who need to have their PC's fixed or upgraded. My policy on the business with that is that if I can't fix it, I won't charge you. I do upgrades as well. I think I am relatively cheaper than places like Best Buy and all, so if you are needing something done to your PC, please feel free to drop me a line and let me know.

Second, I am looking for a roommate. I am slowly getting to the point that I can't afford to live where I am on my own anymore, and need someone to split the bills with. Once again, feel free to drop me a line if interested.

Other than that, I really don't think I need much else, except for the woman I love to come and let me hold her in my arms again, like I did so long ago.

you can reach me at twister138@gmail.notcom. Remove the not from the address in order to get the real address.

Have a wonderful day :)

A Hard Job

This whole spark plug thing is harder than I thought it could be. It's not the job itself that is hard, but the amount of movement you have to do it in.

Let me explain.

Today, I actually got my lazy ass up, went outside, and started to work on replacing the plugs and the wires. Getting the rubber boot off of the plug was a difficult task, as movement under the hood is extremely limited.

About 5 minutes later, I got the boot off, and started the job of replacing the plug, which took all of 10 minutes to get the old one out, and get the new one in and tightened up correctly.

The all that was left to do was to replace the plug wire, and that only took about a minute or so.

The problem with that is that this was easily the most accessible plug on the truck. The rest are hidden beneath other equipment, and the other side I may have to access from underneath because I can't even "see" the plugs on that side.

I guess you could say one down, five to go.

I really wish I would have gotten more involved in cars and stuff when I was younger, but as it turns out, I'm better suited to fixing and upgrading PC's.

I'll let you all know of my progress as the rest of it comes about. Right now, I need to decide if I wanna pay someone 20 or 30 bucks to replace the rest, or actually give it the old college try. We'll see.

As far as performance goes, the truck actually does run much better now, and all the shaking it was doing while idling and accelerating is now a thing of the past. The check engine light however, is still on.

More to come.

Spark Plugs!

I have officially started to merge my job with my auto habit. I took my spark plugs to work today and was messing around with them.

Now, for those that don't know, a spark plug has an end that needs to be adjusted in order to create the spark the right way. This is called the gap. I wanted to check the difficulty level of adjusting my spark plug gap, so I brought the plugs to work, and also the gap measuring tool.

Turns out, it isn't hard at all. I now have my spark plugs gapped for maximum performance, and I'm studying the plug wires so I can tackle the job either Friday or Saturday.

Wish me luck, and hope I don't seal my fate to one of doom.

Color Me Paranoid

Here I am, sitting at work...taking calls from the internet challenged. Then it happens. Something flies directly in front of my eyes, so close that it looks HUGE but I can't make out what it is.

I was on a call at the time, and I almost screamed, but I did back up as much as I could while jumping out of my skin, while falling completely out of my chair at the time.

The lady I was talking to asked what in the world was going on, so I told her I fell out of my chair, and she started laughing. I got a few looks from those around me, but nothing too bad except this extremely red face, and a big sense of humiliation.

This made me think. Am I really that paranoid, or was the bug of death really out to kill me?

I would like to think that there is a conspiracy amongst the bugs to try to kill me, but I think I'm just being paranoid...lol.

My New Regimen?

I need to excercise. I mean, I really do. I sit around all day long, and hardly ever break a sweat anymore, and I'm starting to feel weak. Not a good thing for a guy.

Problem is, I'm all for working out and building my strength. I get all gung ho about it just thinking about it at work, and then when the time comes to put up or shut up.......nothing.

I'm too damn lazy for my own good, and I think one of the main things is that I lack motivation of any sort to get up and just do it.

I need some motivation, and I think I'll ask you, the loyal readers of this very blog, how you think I should motivate myself to get this started and going.

I think that a lot of this is coming from some others I know are doing the same thing, and I feel I want to improve my outer self too.

So what should I do? How do I get motivated enough to pick up those weights and start lifting like I used to? I am open to suggestions now, as is this blog.

The Second Hardest Thing

I love soda. I love soda with a passion. And I'm gonna have to give it up. I have decided that I have been consuming entirely too much soda, and I need to come up with a way to wean myself away from it.

Anyone who knows me knows that this will be the second hardest thing I could ever do in my life...I think everyone already knows the first.

I'm guessing that what I'm going to attempt to do is to start off slowly by drinking one less soda than I normally do now, and try and replace it with water. Then I'll drop another and replace it with water, until I'm down to maybe one a day or less.

One thing I don't want to do is to replace the soda with something equally bad like coffee or something else. I want it to be a cleansing experience, like it was when I stopped eating McD's. I don't ever eat McD's anymore, except for the occasional McGriddle, and of course, their addictive soda.

This is going to be extremely hard seeing as how I love my soda so much, and how I'm an excellent sodologist.

Wish me luck in my endeavors in this, as I'll probably be cranky as hell without it.

Attack of the 6 Inch Meatball Sub

Some days you just know you're doomed. Some things just can't be helped or explained. Yesterday was one of those type of days.

It all started out innocently enough. I woke up, and did my normal daytime thing. Then I started getting ready for work, and left to go to work, and let me tell you, I was in a fantastic mood. I was in the mindset yesterday that nothing, and I mean nothing could have ruined my night.

So before I leave for work, I scrounge up a little over two dollars in change. I was hungry, and hadn't eaten. Mainly because I was too damn lazy to cook.

On my way to work, I stopped in at my local Subway shop and placed the order that would doom me for the night....a six inch meatball sub.

I have to say the two girls working in the store were extremely helpful in helping me load up my sub with other things and with providing helpful suggestions of what else to put on the sub. They definitely were making sure they earned their money.

My sub ended up being a meatball sub with parmesan cheese, pepper jack cheese, jalepeno peppers, and oregano. I have to say it was pretty damn tasty.

So, like anyone else in the world who is in a hurry, I start eating the sub while driving. It's all going good at first, you know, not messy and very tasty.

Then tragedy strikes as I comes closer the the bottom of the sub. Out of the blue, the sandwich decided to stop cooperating with me. Some of the sauce decided to start a revolution and sneak out of the bottom of the sub....and right onto my shirt and ID badge.

Then, as I am cursing the sauce that escaped, the last meatball decides to make its break as I'm biting into the sandwich again. It slips past my bear trap like jaws, and only the bread gets consumed in the process.

So here I am, driving on the expressway, meatball sauce all over my shirt, hands red with sauce, thumb ring completely covered in it, and a solitary meatball left in my hand.

I decide to make the meatball pay for its treacherous ways, and I eat it. That's what you get when you mess with me!

I then try to clean up as much as possible. I end up getting all of the sauce off of my ID badge and off of my shirt and even most off my hands, but the wound still remained fresh from the sauce attack. It stained the shirt a little bit.

I get to work and go wash my hands, and I have to remove the thumb ring completely in order to get it clean. So I'm in ok shape, and there is little evidence of the battle that had just ensued between the sub and myself.

However, when I get upstairs at work, and go to find a desk, one of my fellow employees looked at my shirt and asked if I had been in a fight. I looked at the shirt and saw that there was indeed spots that looked like I had bled, so I told him I got into a fight with a meatball sub.

Now, the sub may have gotten a few good punches in, but I feel I won the fight :)

Perhaps I'll have to stage a rematch later this week after getting paid.

Another Truck Update

Well, it seems I am still alive, much to the chagrin of those who commented on my last update asking if my will was up to date and whatnot....lol.

Here's why. I went out Saturday and purchased the parts I needed, but I haven't had the courage to try to tackle the job just yet. I think I know how to do it, but I'm not yet at the point where I know I can do it.

That, and I've just been plain lazy over the weekend. Plus, I went out Saturday night, and I gotta say I had a blast. If only I could do that every weekend, it would be awesome. I'd like to thank my companions for the wonderful evening....you know who you are ;)

Well, that being said, I think maybe tomorrow will be the day of the big repair job. Maybe my next post should be my obituary?

Truck Update!

So I went today and had a diagnostics test run on my truck. They told me good news and bad news about it. The bad news was that I needed a new set of spark plug wires. the good news was that he didn't find anything else wrong with it.

I figure I'm going to look at my automotive book and see if I can perhaps fix it myself tomorrow. It can't be worse than the experience I had with the brakes when my sisters boyfriend and myself fixed them.

I'll let you all know if I have signed my death warrant by working on my own transportation.

Session 9

I was recently able to trade somoene for a movie I have wanted for a long time...Session 9!

I got the movie in the mail yesterday, and I finally had a chance to watch it about 3 times last night, and once before work today. I LOVE this movie...it gives me the creeps, and it's filmed in an old asylum. As you can tell, I love movies that were filmed in real places that are rumored to be haunted.

I may end up watching it again tonight after work. For the 17th time. :)

No Time for Posts Tonight

Here I am at the end of my shift, and let me say, it has been a hell of a busy night. I haven't even had time to think about what I wanted to post tonight. Hopefully, I'll think of something on the way home tonight.

The Story of an Idiot

There is a really dumb thing going around on Louisville Mojo that people are putting in their profiles. I read this, and have read this far too many times to let the obvious slip by me, so once again, it's time for Captain Obvious's Pointer of the Day.

The Story is as follows:

*****A Story Of A Boy N' A Girl*****

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, it's too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It's bugging me.

(In the paper the next day)

A motorcycle crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes failed, but didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

~*~If you love someone this much put this on your profile~*~


Where to start on this! Let me say this is completely fucking stupid!

First off, let's discuss the physics of acceleration on a motorcycle. If you twist the accelerator, the motorcycle speeds up and when you release it, the motorcycle slows down. Simple enough process, even for the dumbest of animals...except for this guy.

First off, the guy couldn't possibly love the girl. She asked him twice to slow down, but the egotistical prick was so busy having fun that he didn't, the arrogant bastard.

So then, monkey boy decides that he needs to hear her say she loves him and feel her hug as she takes his helmet and wears it.

Then monkey boy has the urge to crash into a building.

Surely I can't be the only one to see how many things are wrong with this.

First, slowing down is good, especially if you KNOW your brakes are bad. Second, if you have the time to hear I love you and to give the girl your helmet, you have time to slow down, even without brakes. Now, if the accelerator had gotten stuck, and was steadily increasing speed, then I could see the death option as a possibility, although a mild one. Here's why.

First off, in order to create an accident on a motorcycle of the magnitude he had to have sustained, he would have had to be going pretty fast....fast enough to crush his skull, or at least do some major damage. Enough to kill a person basically.

Second, once again, if you know the brakes are bad, why are you speeding to begin with. the girl asked him to slow down and he said no. Can anyone say death wish?

Third, once again on the slowing down issue, he had time to hear his girl tell him she loves him, hug her, and put his helmet on....for God's sake man, release the damn accelerator.

Fourth, he crashed into a building. While the concept isn't funny, the idea of a building being smack in the middle of a road is relatively unheard of these days, except in smaller towns. This means he would have had to lose control of the bike and go off course to crash into the building. Now, I'm not sure what speed he was doing on the bike, but I guarantee that if you release the accelerator, you will start to slow, possibly enough to not get killed. If he was on a highway where faster speeds were allowed, I still couldn't see the concept of dying unless you tangle with another automobile, maybe road debris, or a legitimate malfunction.

The funny thing about this whole story is that he had so much time and so many ways to prevent the accident, yet he continued to stay the course and chose to die, because his brain wasn't evolved enough to think about what he was doing.

Point is, dumbasses should stay as far away from motorcycles as they possibly can.

I'll go on to say, if you love someone this much, DON'T put this on your profile, or anywhere else. In fact, throw this story away. It's too filled with flaws, and shows nothing but stupidity and egotism, and nothing of love at all.

Hopefully, my work here is done.

My Truck

Well, I hate to say it, but I thik my truck is on the verge of dying. Last night, the check engine light came on and the truck was running extremely rough. I was worried that I wouldn't make it home, but I have no choice but to drive it. I think I'll start looking into my options and see what I can do either to get it fixed, or get something new.