The Story of an Idiot

There is a really dumb thing going around on Louisville Mojo that people are putting in their profiles. I read this, and have read this far too many times to let the obvious slip by me, so once again, it's time for Captain Obvious's Pointer of the Day.

The Story is as follows:

*****A Story Of A Boy N' A Girl*****

Girl: Slow down. I'm scared.

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, it's too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!

Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.

*Girl hugs him*

Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? It's bugging me.

(In the paper the next day)

A motorcycle crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes failed, but didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

~*~If you love someone this much put this on your profile~*~


Where to start on this! Let me say this is completely fucking stupid!

First off, let's discuss the physics of acceleration on a motorcycle. If you twist the accelerator, the motorcycle speeds up and when you release it, the motorcycle slows down. Simple enough process, even for the dumbest of animals...except for this guy.

First off, the guy couldn't possibly love the girl. She asked him twice to slow down, but the egotistical prick was so busy having fun that he didn't, the arrogant bastard.

So then, monkey boy decides that he needs to hear her say she loves him and feel her hug as she takes his helmet and wears it.

Then monkey boy has the urge to crash into a building.

Surely I can't be the only one to see how many things are wrong with this.

First, slowing down is good, especially if you KNOW your brakes are bad. Second, if you have the time to hear I love you and to give the girl your helmet, you have time to slow down, even without brakes. Now, if the accelerator had gotten stuck, and was steadily increasing speed, then I could see the death option as a possibility, although a mild one. Here's why.

First off, in order to create an accident on a motorcycle of the magnitude he had to have sustained, he would have had to be going pretty fast....fast enough to crush his skull, or at least do some major damage. Enough to kill a person basically.

Second, once again, if you know the brakes are bad, why are you speeding to begin with. the girl asked him to slow down and he said no. Can anyone say death wish?

Third, once again on the slowing down issue, he had time to hear his girl tell him she loves him, hug her, and put his helmet on....for God's sake man, release the damn accelerator.

Fourth, he crashed into a building. While the concept isn't funny, the idea of a building being smack in the middle of a road is relatively unheard of these days, except in smaller towns. This means he would have had to lose control of the bike and go off course to crash into the building. Now, I'm not sure what speed he was doing on the bike, but I guarantee that if you release the accelerator, you will start to slow, possibly enough to not get killed. If he was on a highway where faster speeds were allowed, I still couldn't see the concept of dying unless you tangle with another automobile, maybe road debris, or a legitimate malfunction.

The funny thing about this whole story is that he had so much time and so many ways to prevent the accident, yet he continued to stay the course and chose to die, because his brain wasn't evolved enough to think about what he was doing.

Point is, dumbasses should stay as far away from motorcycles as they possibly can.

I'll go on to say, if you love someone this much, DON'T put this on your profile, or anywhere else. In fact, throw this story away. It's too filled with flaws, and shows nothing but stupidity and egotism, and nothing of love at all.

Hopefully, my work here is done.