Country Music Murderers

I think this title must have gotten everyones attention :)

Ok, here's what the title implies. Upon listening to some of today's popular country songs, it has been determined that Dierks Bentley and Kenny Chesney are murderers.

How can this be true, you ask? Simple. I'll analyze one song from each of them, and point out where they lyrically confess to their crimes of passion. We'll start with Kenny Chesney's "Anything But Mine".

Walking along beneath the lights of that miracle mile
Me and Mary making our way into the night

Ok....this is evidence of time of day.


You can hear the cries from the carnival rides
The pinball bells and the skeeball slides
Watching the summer sun fall out of sight

He's waiting for the sun to set so he'll be less likely to be seen.


There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean
Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street
Mary is holding both of her shoes in her hand
Said she likes to feel the sand beneath her feet

This is where he gets her away from the carnival they were at and to a more secluded place. Poor Mary doesn't even realize she's in danger.


And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

Now this is the first sign of his killer instincts. He knows he's leaving town, and he knows he is going to kill Mary, and hopes he doesn't get caught. This also describes his reasoning behind the murder. He is a stalker in the worst form, and has the attitude that if he can't have her, nobody will...hence the I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine part.


There's a local band playing at the seaside pavilion
And I got just enough cash to get us in
And as we're dancin Mary's wrapping her arms around me
And I can feel the sting of summer on my skin
In the midst of the music I tell her I love her
We both laugh cause we know it isn't true
Ah but Mary there's a summer drawing to an end tonight
And there's so much that I long to do to you

Ok, they both know that the old I Love You line didn't work. They laugh about it, but deep inside, he harbors deep seated hurt and feelings of rejection. This is the straw that breaks the camels back, and he sets his master plan into action. He knows that the summer is over, and he wants to do many things to Mary. Probably things like murder her, cutting her up, and perhaps things dealing with necrophilia.


But in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine
And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine
Mary I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

As the final blow is struck, Mary realizes that he was crazy, and very disturbed, and by this time...it's too late.


Ok...now that he has been exposed, let's go to Dierks Bentley's "Come A Little Closer".


Come a little closer, baby
I feel like layin' you down
On a bed sweet surrender
Where we can work it all out

Here is where you first get a glimpse of his murderous ways. He wants to lay her in a bed of sweet surrender. Her needs are not even considered here, only what he wants, which is why he thinks she should have to surrender.


There ain't nothin' that love can't fix
Girl, it's right here at our fingertips
So come a little closer baby,
I feel like layin' you down

Once again...he "feels" like laying her down, and he intends to do it forcefully if she doesn't cooperate. Also, there's no telling what's "right there at his fingertips"...probably a weapon of some sort.


Come a little closer, baby
I feel like lettin' go
Of everything that stands between us
And the love we used to know

Now he's hurt at her blatant rejection of him, and intends to make her pay, which is why he's "letting go"


I wanna touch you like a cleansing rain
Let it wash all the hurt away
So come a little closer baby
I feel like lettin' go

Once again, he feels like "letting go", and starts speaking of "cleansing rain". People who are fanatical always speak of cleansing rain, so this poor girl is about to die, and I'm sure she knows it by now.


If there's still a chance
Then take my hand
And we'll steal away
Off into the night'till we make things right

He decides to give her one last chance, which, obviously, she isn't going to take.


The suns gonna rise on a better day
Come a little closer babyI feel like strippin' it down

Stripping her down to the bone is what he means here.


Back to the basics of you and me
What makes the world go round
Every inch of you against my skin

He wants to wear her skin after he kills her.


I wanna be stronger than we've ever been
So come a little closer babyI feel like strippin' it down
Come a little bit closer babyJust a little bit closer baby
Come a little bit closer babyI feel like layin' you down

Obviously, the authorities should be called on these two guys, because they have admittedly murdered the women they were obsessed with. Somebody call 911!

There you have it. Beware if you see these guys in concert for you may be the next victim of the country music murderers.