Stop Me Before I Kill........Myself!!!

I thought the pain and depression and agony of my hospital stay would be the most agonizing part of the healing process. I was wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

The hardest part is what I'm trying to do now. I am trying to change my diet and eating habits so I don't end up back in the hospital or dead.

I'm supposed to be on a pretty strict diet plan, only taking in 1700 cals a day and 195 grams of carbs.

I'm growing weaker and am going back to eating the bad stuff almost on a daily basis. I hate that, but I have no willpower to tell myself to stop doing it. I don't exercise like I should either.

One thing I have been consistently good at is the drinks. I have not had anything that was not diet and sugar free since I went in. I'm proud of that, but I want the food thing too. I want to be able to get over this plateau and finally stop eating all of the junk and eat the way I need to.

I'll keep everyone appraised of my situation. Wish me well in this endeavor because my will is one thing I have not ever tried to fight against, and the battle will be difficult!