An Open Letter To Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

While I do appreciate a good coating of snow on my town on occasion, I would like to lodge a formal complaint that this year you have gone well and beyond your usual snow accumulation, and I am officially presenting you with this cease and desist order.

Your continuous snowfall on this town has begun to impede daily operations more than usual.

Please quit sending snow here, as people in this town are mentally and physically incapable of driving in it, and the school system doesn't know when to stay open and when to shut down, and they usually get those mixed up and end up staying open when they should be closing, and closing when they should be open.

So, in closing, Mother Nature, I only have but two words for you concerning this recent onslaught of snow and the icy demeanor you've been sending our way...STOP IT!

To My Beautiful Redneckgirl

You know, ever since I laid eyes on you, I can undoubtedly say that I wanted you. I wanted you in ways I had never known before but I had to keep my distance. Back then, what I wanted was unobtainable, so I sat and admired from not so afar. My longing to know the real you continued to grow and grow, and we had to become friends after that. When we became friends, I realized that not only are you beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well. This made me long for you even more. However, the timing still wasn't right, and by this point, I had not fallen head over heels in love with you, but it was coming, and it was going to hit me hard...much harder than anything I have ever known before it.

After a few years of wanting and not doing, things started going bad for you in your current relationship. I was there, for as much of it as I could be, and I tried everything to make it better. It killed me inside to see you with sad eyes. As a matter of fact, one of the things I love about you the most is your eyes. They radiate mystery, fun, and playfulness, except when they are sad. I've always felt as though I could unravel the mysteries in the universe by looking into your eyes long enough, but I never last long because passion takes over and I lose control.

Then we came to the point where we tried each other on for size, so to speak. However, you were still unsure about what it was that you wanted to do, and there was another small surprise. But after that time we spent together, my fate was sealed. I would always be tied to you, even if I couldn't be with you. I was in love...not for the first time, but I had never fallen this hard for anyone before. I thought I had experienced pain, but I knew nothing of it until the day I couldn't talk to you or hold you in my arms. Then real pain began.

Luckily, it didn't last too long, as I had a feeling that we were destined to be together, and you came back. You were cautious at first, not wanting to hurt me anymore, but soon, you gave over to what you really wanted, and that was me. Imagine my excitement when you decided we should try each other again, and for real this time.

That was one of the many happiest days of my existence. Another is when we went to see Gary Allan perform in Owensboro, and I asked you to officially go out with me, and you said yes!

The next would definitely have to be on May 28th, 2009, when we went to Juno Beach, FL. and I proposed on the beach. Never had I ever seen you so happy in my entire life. To be able to see that in your eyes justified what I wanted. I knew that i wanted to spend the rest of my entire life making you happy. Making you smile, and making you feel more loved than you have ever felt. I only hope I'm living up to that still.

The next best time wasn't really a best time for me, but it did show me your devotion to me. That was in October, when pancreatitis almost killed me. You stuck by my side, even though it looked like there was no chance that I was going to pull through, but you stayed. That was the strength I needed to actually fight harder to pull through. I'm very happy that you are so devoted to me.

You have made my life so much better, and in the process, have made me a better person, and a better man. I love you with my entire being and I think I would rather go without eating, oxygen, or sleeping rather than be without you.

I love you so very much.

Why Can't I Stop?

So here I am, diagnosed with all kinds of bad things that have the ability to kill me if I don't change my bad eating habits, yet, I still eat the same. Granted, I drink mostly water now and no sodas that are not diet and with no caffeine, but I still have the extreme weakness with my Chips and candy....especially the sweet stuff!

I know that my condition, as it is, can be irritated and I could be killed by the things I can't stop doing. So why do I continue? Do I have a death wish? Am I so weak that the simple though of candy and chips will drive me into a frenzy and I start to eat them like crazy? I really don't know, but the one thing I do know is that I need to stop. I need to find a way to give it all up once and for all. I need to just accept that I can't be like everyone else and eat like there is no tomorrow, because for me, it could be true. But How? How does one begin? I wish I knew how I could beat the one adversary that continues to plague me...myself.

Addendum

I have to say that there is one wonderful thing in my life that keeps me going and not just completely losing it 100%. That would be Brandy. She has a way of breathing life into me when I'm with her. She is the most passionate person I have ever met, and I could never imagine what life would be like without her. She is my absolute everything.

Even when we argue, it is just so heated and so passionate, that I just get turned on by it. That fact alone annoys her to death. She hates when we argue and I get that old familiar look in my eyes, and get this cheesy grin on my face. That's part of the magic of us, and believe me, we are a very magical couple.

While certain things have changed between us due to being around each other all the time, or circumstances that have changed us, we remain one with the other.

I love that about her.

She is most definitely my heart and possibly even my soul, and she is the most wonderful woman I have ever known.

I love her with all my heart and soul. Period.

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

I swear, if it isn't one thing then it's something else! I just wanna go out and yell to the world that I'm here, and come do with me what you will. I hate that I'm always sick, or feeling sick. I have begun to feel nauseated a lot more than ever, and my pain levels are starting to mount again.

I am not one for the slow and casual. If I need to be taken out, then do it and get it over with. If not, then stop messing with me. This slow recovery, if you can call it that, is tortuous. one day I'm feeling great, then the next week and a half I feel like crap.

Anyone wanna play Russian Roulette? I'll even take your shot.