The Weekend - Sunday

We got up early on Sunday because we had to go to church.

Before I go any further, let me say that I can count on my fingers the number of times I had been ion a church for an actual service that wasn't a wedding or some other function other than worship. When I was younger, I had issues with God, and decided to try other options. I have since seen that those were the wrong ways.

However, I was always nervous in churches....like I would be struck down just for going into one.

We go to church and afterwards, redneckgirl, her mother, her grandmother, and myself go to O'Charley's.

After we ate, we took her grandmother home, and then her mother.

Then we went to watch mustangscarlett play softball, and stayed a chatted with her for awhile after it was over.

Then after that, we went to visit my sisters grave.

This is particularly hard for me to do, because I feel bad for not having done it before.

My sister was taken from this world 27 years ago. I have only visited her, until Sunday, 2 or 3 times. Suddenly I felt guilty. I felt like I had not given enough of my time or love to her memory, and it tore me apart inside.

We went and I found her grave automatically. I cleaned off the stone and as soon as I did, I started crying uncontrollably. I didn't know what was coming over me, but I couldn't stop crying.

Redneckgirl put her arm around me and consoled me as best she could without crying.

I told my sister I was sorry for neglecting her memory for so long, and that I promised I would be with her more often. I told her I loved her and told her sorry over and over again.

We left after about a half an hour, me still crying and driving, and redneckgirl telling me her thoughts on why I was feeling the way I did, and what we could do about it.

Then we went back to her house, picked up her mother and her sister and went shopping at Meijers.

I picked up a couple of bouquets of plastic flowers and a little teddy bear with a little Halloween sweater on it to put on my sisters stone. After the shopping, I took the three of them home. Then I went to visit my mother, whom I had been having issues with over some of her habits, so to speak.

I let her know I visited my sister, and told her how much I care for her, and that I didn't want to end up burying her, and that she needed to stop these particular bad habits she had been doing.

We talked for awhile, and she ended up sending me home with food, like she always does, and she let me have some silverware, as I lost mine in one of my moves.

I went home, and then talked to redneckgirl for awhile. She invited me back over, and I went and hung out there while the kids were sleeping.

She further consoled me and held me, and I ended up falling asleep on her.

I went home later on and went to bed.

After she got off of work on Monday, her and I went back to my sisters grave and placed the flowers in the vase and attached the bear to that vase with a rubber band.

I broke down again, but not as bad this time.

I have always had a hard time showing emotion to people because I was raised up to believe that real men don't cry. They don't show those emotions. I was raised up that you were weak if you cried.

I realize now that real men do cry...they do show their emotions and aren't afraid not to because of what people think.

I want to thank you all for reading this. I had tears in my eyes writing this as well. If you think I'm weak.....well....that's what you think I suppose. I'll not try to change your mind.

I hope you all have a great day.