So Messed Up

This blog title tonight describes me to a T. I have mental disorders, and I'm not sure what they are all called, but the one I know the most is paranoia.

Ask anyone who knows me to use a word to describe me, and paranoid is sure to come into play. I guess you could say it stems from everything I ever went through in childhood, and has continued through the present.

I went through a period of time where I didn't trust anyone...not even my own mother. I would be expecting a package in the mail, and if I felt that it should have arrived by a certain time, I would tear up the house looking for the mail, even though my parents said it had not arrived.

Unfortunately, some of this paranoia still goes on today. I'll be suspicious of everyone for doing something, even if they didn't, for no reason at all. Sometimes I wake up paranoid, and it's hard to be around me at those times because I ask all sorts of suspicious questions.

I probably need to seek some help for it, but I can't afford to do that.

The ones who know about it the most tell me that I'm paranoid, and tell me I should stop. How does one stop being paranoid though?

I just hope those that matter the most in my life can overlook or be able to deal with this until I can find a solution.

Next time, we may touch on my schizophrenia, which I believe I have a bit of...not a lot though, and how it plays to my paranoia like crazy.

Until then, keep your hands off my mail :)